it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
apparently the secret to your success is patron
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
