pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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