he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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