I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I party with great urgency now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
