all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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