What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
