I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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