he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
