Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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