the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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