She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
