Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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