shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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