I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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