I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
