you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
