some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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