Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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