I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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