his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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