8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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