allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
