im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
