The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
