what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
