i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
