I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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