I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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