Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
