We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
