Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
