Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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