Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
