I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
