addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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