How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
