So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
