My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
