you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
ok first of all what the fuck
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
