omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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