I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
