Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
