We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
