this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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