DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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