You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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