I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
