I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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