ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
