I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
