I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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