The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
