Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
FUCK WHALES
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
