Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize