screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
