Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
