The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
