So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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