I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
