Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
