I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
