Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my shit smells like andre
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
