East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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