if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
