Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
