i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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