I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
