I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
