your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
