So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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