your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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