woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
