it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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